DAY 5 | God First. Spouse Second. Children After.
DAY 5 | God First. Spouse Second. Children After.
READ
Matthew 22:37–39; Mark 10:13–16; John 15:4–5
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.”
Matthew 22:37
THE TRUTH
Jesus said:
“Let the little children come to Me.”
Children are a blessing.
They are worthy of our time.
Our attention.
Our affection.
Our sacrifice.
Our protection.
Our provision.
Our service.
Our devotion.
But there is an important difference between loving our children deeply and allowing our children to become the center of everything.
Jesus welcomed children.
But Jesus also made something unmistakably clear:
Our greatest devotion belongs to God.
That's where the order begins.
God first.
Then, within marriage, husband and wife have entered a one-flesh covenant with one another.
Spouse second.
Then children are entrusted to that union as a tremendous blessing and responsibility.
Children after.
That doesn't mean children are unimportant.
It means we're careful not to allow one blessing from God to replace another relationship God has called us to faithfully steward.
Children are needy.
They require more immediate attention.
Especially when they're young.
A baby may legitimately need Mom right now.
A toddler may require Dad to stop what he's doing.
A struggling teenager may need an enormous amount of emotional attention.
There will be seasons when the amount of time given to children is greater than the amount of time given to your spouse.
So this isn't simply about counting hours.
It's about ordering devotion.
A husband and wife can become so focused on raising children that they stop pursuing one another.
Conversation becomes only about the kids.
Schedules revolve entirely around the kids.
Finances revolve around the kids.
Weekends revolve around the kids.
Affection decreases.
Intimacy decreases.
Friendship decreases.
Spiritual connection decreases.
Eventually, two people who once became one flesh can begin feeling like coworkers managing a household.
And even more dangerous, both can become so consumed with family life that their devotion to God slowly fades.
That's why Jesus' words in John 15 matter:
“Remain in Me.”
Because if you want to continue pouring Christlike love into your spouse and your children, you need Christ continually pouring into you.
You cannot sustainably produce spiritual fruit while disconnected from the Vine.
God first.
Not because He needs something from you.
Because you desperately need Him.
LOOK BACK
This week we've considered what it means for a marriage and family to be Blessed & Fruitful.
DAY 1 | GOD BLESSED THEM
Before God commanded Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply:
God blessed them.
Marriage is a blessing.
Intimacy is a blessing.
Children can be a blessing flowing from that union.
And God desires our relationships to produce spiritual fruit.
DAY 2 | WHEN THE BLESSING BECOMES THE DIVIDE
Isaac and Rebekah received children after twenty years of waiting.
But favoritism eventually divided their home.
A blessing should never become a weapon.
DAY 3 | WHERE ARE WE AIMING THEM?
Children are compared to arrows.
Our words.
Actions.
Priorities.
Marriage.
Repentance.
Forgiveness.
Faithfulness.
All help aim the next generation somewhere.
Our target is Jesus.
DAY 4 | NOT AN INTERRUPTION
The disciples saw children as an interruption.
Jesus welcomed them.
Christlike parenting requires humility, selflessness, sacrifice, and presence.
DAY 5 | PROPERLY ORDERED DEVOTION
Now we ask: Are the blessings God has given us still in their proper place?
CELEBRATE
Before examining what needs to change, recognize what God is already doing.
IF YOU'RE MARRIED
Tell your spouse one thing you've seen them do well within your family.
Maybe you've watched them:
Sacrifice.
Serve.
Provide.
Protect.
Listen.
Teach.
Discipline patiently.
Pray.
Show affection.
Remain faithful.
Apologize.
Make time for the family.
Say: “One way I see Christ in the way you love our family is...”
Then thank God for your spouse.
IF YOU'RE SINGLE
Think about someone who modeled Christlike love toward you.
A parent.
Grandparent.
Pastor.
Teacher.
Coach.
Friend.
Church member.
One characteristic of Jesus I experienced through them was:
Thank God for the people He has used to help aim your life toward Him.
EXAMINE THE BALANCE
Throughout this series we've identified seven characteristics perfectly demonstrated by Jesus:
Love
Care
Protection
Provision
Serving
Intimacy
Devotion
Now consider how those are being expressed within your family.
FIRST: GOD
Am I intentionally giving God my:
Love?
Intimacy?
Devotion?
Service?
Is time with God something I intentionally pursue, or something I squeeze into whatever remains?
My devotion to God right now is:
SECOND: MY SPOUSE
Is my spouse consistently experiencing my:
Love?
Care?
Protection?
Provision?
Service?
Intimacy?
Devotion?
Which one may have slowly decreased because of the demands of family life?
THIRD: MY CHILDREN
Are my children consistently experiencing Christlike:
Love?
Care?
Protection?
Provision?
Serving?
Intimacy?
Devotion?
Where do they need greater intentionality from me?
This isn't about making every category perfectly equal.
It is about recognizing when something has become dangerously out of balance.
CONFESS
Sometimes the blessing becomes an idol.
We can build our identity around our children.
Live through their accomplishments.
Organize everything around their desires.
Allow their activities to consistently replace worship and biblical community.
Seek from them an emotional connection we should be pursuing with our spouse.
Refuse to correct them because we desperately want their approval.
Or place their preferences above our obedience to God.
A child doesn't decide to become our idol.
We put them there.
So ask:
Has my devotion to anything God has given me become greater than my devotion to the God who gave it?
If so:
Don't blame the blessing.
Repent of the misplaced devotion.
Then ask another difficult question:
Has my devotion to our children consistently come at the expense of my devotion to my spouse?
If God reveals something, don't harbor it.
Speak it.
Confess it.
Ask forgiveness.
And begin putting things back in their proper place.
MOVE FORWARD
REFUEL. RECONNECT. REORDER.
Family requires continual pouring out.
That's why you need to continually be filled.
REFUEL WITH GOD
If you never intentionally refuel spiritually, eventually you'll attempt to serve your family from an empty heart.
Ask:
“What needs to change so I can consistently remain connected to Jesus?”
RECONNECT WITH YOUR SPOUSE
If you never intentionally reconnect with one another, the responsibilities of life can slowly replace the relationship you're supposed to be protecting.
Ask together:
“What do we need to do regularly to remain connected emotionally, physically, and spiritually?”
Maybe it's a regular date.
Prayer together.
Going to bed at the same time.
A walk.
Morning coffee.
Putting phones away.
Physical affection.
An honest conversation.
Scheduling intimacy.
Whatever it is:
Be intentional.
REORDER WHAT HAS DRIFTED
Finally ask:
“Has anything moved into a place it doesn't belong?”
If yes:
What needs to change?
Don't simply feel guilty.
Reorder it.
OUR MARRIAGE CREED
Read the creed together again.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
I will love my spouse unconditionally and combat the lustful desires that entice my eyes, my flesh, and my pride.
SELFLESS CARE
I will care for my spouse selflessly by being attentive and compassionate toward their needs to combat my selfishness.
ACTIVE PROTECTION
I will protect my spouse actively, seeking to guard their heart and mind from attacks. I will combat passivity to pursue them so they feel seen, loved, and safe in my company.
PURPOSEFUL PROVISION
I will provide for my spouse by seeing and meeting their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Constant provision will combat purposelessness, both in work and in our marriage.
SERVANT LEADERSHIP
I will lead my spouse through humble service. My leadership will not be domineering or controlling but sacrificial and nurturing. Servant leadership will combat any pride, ego, or selfish motives.
INTENTIONAL INTIMACY
I will be intimate with my spouse regardless of circumstances. I will remember that we have become one flesh. I will combat isolation and division by intentionally drawing closer to my spouse through physical connection, emotional conversation, and spiritual devotion.
FAITHFUL DEVOTION
I will be faithful to my spouse by first remaining faithful to Christ. In my pursuit of Him I will be able to strengthen my devotion to my spouse. I understand that only my devotion to Christ can combat the lies, deception, and mistrust the enemy uses to destroy my marriage.
BUILD TOGETHER
IF YOU'RE MARRIED WITH CHILDREN AT HOME
Choose one thing from each category.
GOD
One way I will intentionally pursue Him:
SPOUSE
One way I will intentionally pursue you:
CHILDREN
One way I will intentionally help aim them toward Jesus:
Then share your answers. Don't critique your spouse's answers. Encourage them.
IF YOU'RE MARRIED AND YOUR CHILDREN HAVE LEFT HOME
Your influence isn't finished.
Pray over your children, their marriages, their current or future families, and the generations that may come after you.
Ask: “How can our marriage continue pointing our family toward Jesus?”
IF YOU'RE SINGLE AND DESIRE MARRIAGE
Pray for your future before you know what it looks like.
Pray for a future spouse.
Pray over the possibility of children.
Pray for wisdom about marriage and family.
And begin developing properly ordered devotion now: Christ first.
IF YOU'RE SINGLE AND NOT PURSUING MARRIAGE
Fruitfulness is still your calling.
Pray for the marriages and families around you.
Encourage parents.
Invest in younger believers.
Serve children and students.
Help another generation know Jesus.
You can help aim arrows you didn't personally bring into the world.
PRAY TOGETHER
If you're married, take time to actually pray this together.
Don't simply read it silently.
Pray over each area.
FIRST, PRAY OVER YOUR DEVOTION TO GOD
Father, You are our first love and our greatest devotion.
Forgive us for allowing good things You have given us to take the place that belongs only to You.
Draw us back to You.
Help us remain connected to Jesus.
Fill us with Your Spirit so our lives produce fruit that looks like Christ.
Keep our identity rooted in You.
Be first in our hearts and first in our home.
SECOND, PRAY OVER YOUR MARRIAGE
Father, protect our marriage from the daily drift toward disconnection.
Help us continue seeing one another.
Loving one another.
Serving one another.
Guarding one another.
Helping one another.
Pursuing one another.
Forgiving one another.
And remaining devoted to one another.
When family life becomes demanding, don't allow us to become strangers living in the same house.
Help us remain one.
THIRD, PRAY OVER YOUR CHILDREN
Father, thank You for the children You have entrusted to us.
Help us see them as blessings.
Give us patience.
Guidance.
Discipline.
Direction.
Grace.
Forgiveness.
Consistency.
And wisdom.
Where they need more Christlike love from us, make us intentional.
Where we've given them a place in our hearts that belongs to You, forgive us.
Where we've allowed them to come between husband and wife, help us restore proper order.
May our words and actions continually aim them toward Jesus.
May they see Christ in our marriage.
May they experience Christ through our parenting.
And may they grow to know, love, obey, and follow Him for themselves.
FINALLY, PRAY FOR FRUITFULNESS
Father, You blessed them and said:
“Be fruitful and multiply.”
Make our family fruitful.
Not simply in number.
In character.
May the fruit of Your Spirit grow in us.
May it grow in our marriage.
May it grow in our children.
And by Your grace, may it multiply into generations after us.
Keep our devotion properly ordered:
You first.
Our spouse second.
Our children after.
And may every blessing You place into our hands ultimately point us and those around us back toward You.
Amen.