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Fear Was Quietly Controlling My Life | Larry Davidson

For most of my life, I felt like I was always in my “40.”

I grew up going to church, but none of it ever really stuck. I didn’t believe in God, and if I’m honest, I thought it was just a waste of time. Because of that, I carried a fear with me constantly—the fear of death. The idea that life could just end and there was nothing after it unsettled me more than I wanted to admit. I avoided funerals because I couldn’t handle the thought that people I loved were just gone.

That was my “40.”

What didn’t make sense was how I lived during that time. Even though I feared death, I lived recklessly. I drank heavily almost every day. I drove drunk. I drove fast for no reason. Looking back, I was almost daring death, even while being terrified of it. There were so many moments that could have ended differently.

Things began to shift when I got married and had kids. When my son was born, something in me changed. I didn’t want him to grow up seeing his dad come home drunk or wondering why I lived the way I did. That realization pushed me to get sober.

Years later, I started to look back on my life differently. All the moments where I should have been hurt—or worse—somehow turned out okay. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. It pointed me to something bigger, to someone who had been watching over me the entire time.

In 2015, I hit another turning point. I was miserable in my job and knew I didn’t want that life anymore. Out of nowhere, I asked my wife if she wanted to move to Florida. It felt random, but it also felt right. Leaving everything behind was easier than I expected.

It took years after that for things to really come together, but eventually we found a church. And for the first time, it wasn’t just routine—it was real. Being part of that community changed me. I’m different now. I’m happier, more open, more at peace. The fear of death that followed me my whole life is gone because I have given my life to God. Looking back, I can see that even when I wasn’t looking for God, He was looking out for me. I wouldn't be here today if He wasn't keeping me safe.

If you’re still in your “40,” just keep going. You may not see the end of it yet, but it’s coming. Don’t give up before you find out why you’re here. We'll all find our purpose, it's just a matter of time.

My purpose and hope now is to make sure the rest of my family finds God.

From the 41 Series

Noah stepped into the ark without knowing exactly where the waters would take him or how long the storm would last. There was no visible destination, only trust in God.

Everything outside the ark was chaos. Inside required faith.

I think many of us know what it feels like to live that way spiritually. Fear begins to shape how we think, how we respond, and even how we see the future. Sometimes it’s fear of failure. Sometimes fear of loss. Sometimes fear of death itself.

Fear has a way of quietly controlling us while convincing us we are still in control.

What’s interesting is that Noah’s story reminds us that obedience and fear cannot lead us in the same direction. Noah trusted God enough to step into the unknown even when he didn’t fully understand it.

And over time, what felt uncertain became evidence of God’s protection and faithfulness.

Often when we look back, we begin to recognize all the moments God was carrying us even when we weren’t fully aware of Him. The places where we should have fallen apart. The moments that could have ended differently. The seasons where His grace quietly preserved us.

Sometimes your “41” is realizing God had been protecting and leading you long before you fully recognized His presence.

The storm eventually settles. The ark rests. The dove returns with peace.

And what once controlled you no longer has the final say.

Scripture Encouragement

  • Genesis 8:1–12

  • Psalm 27:1

  • John 14:27



Reflect & Respond

What resonated most with you in Larry’s story? Why?

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What fears have quietly shaped your thoughts, choices, or view of the future?

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How have you seen God protecting or guiding you even in seasons when you weren’t fully aware of Him?

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What would it look like for you to trust God more fully in your current season?__________________________________________________________________________

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Prayer

Father, thank You for being present even in the seasons where fear feels overwhelming. Help me trust You more than my worries, doubts, or uncertainty.

Remind me that You are faithful in every storm and that You have not forgotten me. Give me peace where fear has taken hold and help me rest in Your presence instead of trying to control everything around me.

Thank You for protecting, leading, and carrying me even when I could not fully see it.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

Share Hope

Fear often convinces people they are alone in what they carry. As you reflect on Larry’s story, consider sharing it with someone who may need the reminder that God is still present, still faithful, and still leading them through the storm.

Series Content
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