I Began to Believe My Life Had Purpose | Emma Gardner

There was a season when I felt deeply lost. It began after my Papa died. His death shook something in me, and for a long time I felt like I was drifting, trying to figure out where I belonged and even why I was here. I was young, still trying to navigate middle school, trying to find myself, and underneath it all I was carrying grief I didn’t really know how to process.

It felt draining. I questioned my existence. I wrestled with whether I had a purpose. There were moments I felt like I didn’t belong in this world at all.

That was my “40.”

And if I’m honest, it wasn’t one moment of pain. It came in layers. Losing my dog years later reopened some of that hurt, and it felt like life crumbled all over again. I struggled in school too, and there was a point when it looked like I might not even graduate on time. A lot of things felt stacked against me.

But somewhere in all of that, God was still working.

Even when I didn’t fully see Him, He was carrying me. I made it through high school against the odds. And then something shifted when I stepped into church for the first time. I can’t fully explain it, but I felt God’s presence in a way that was real to me, and it also felt as if my Papa’s memory was no longer only tied to loss, but to something deeper—something healing.

That was a turning point. I began to believe I was here for a reason.

What changed most wasn’t everything around me, but what I understood about myself. I stopped seeing my life as meaningless. I began to see purpose where I once saw emptiness. God helped me heal, not all at once, but truly.

Now my “41” is knowing my existence matters.

If you’re still in your “40,” give it time. Healing can take longer than you want, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Your existence matters. Your life has purpose. Even when you can’t see it yet, God has not forgotten you.

From the 41 Series

Elijah experienced incredible victories with God. He saw fire fall from heaven. He watched God provide during drought. He witnessed miracles, answered prayers, and moments of undeniable power.

Yet even after those victories, Elijah still found himself exhausted, discouraged, isolated, and questioning everything.

That part of the story matters.

Because sometimes people assume that struggling with grief, sadness, loneliness, or hopelessness means God must be absent. But Elijah’s story reminds us that even faithful people can walk through very dark seasons.

After Elijah fled into the wilderness, overwhelmed and afraid, God didn’t abandon him. God met him there.

Not first through the wind. Not through the earthquake. Not through the fire. But through a gentle voice.

A reminder that God was still present even when Elijah felt alone.

Grief has a way of making life feel heavy and confusing. Loss can make us question our purpose, our future, and even our value. But what was true for Elijah is still true for us today:

“What was true of God, is always true of God.”

His presence does not disappear in the wilderness.

Sometimes your “41” begins quietly. Not with everything suddenly fixed, but with the realization that your life still has meaning, purpose, and value because God has not forgotten you.

Scripture Encouragement

• 1 Kings 19:11–13

• Psalm 34:18

• Jeremiah 29:11

Reflect & Respond

What resonated most with you in Emma’s story? Why?

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Have you ever walked through a season where grief or discouragement made you question your purpose or worth?

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How have you experienced God’s presence during difficult or lonely seasons?

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What reminders of hope or purpose do you need to hold onto today?__________________________________________________________________________

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Prayer

God, thank You for staying near even in seasons where life feels confusing, painful, or heavy. When grief, loneliness, or discouragement begin to cloud my thoughts, remind me that my life still has purpose and value in You.

Help me hear Your voice above every lie, fear, or hopeless thought. Give me peace in the middle of difficult seasons and help me trust that You are still working even when healing feels slow.

Thank You for never abandoning me in the wilderness.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

Share Hope

Many people silently wrestle with grief, loneliness, or questions about their purpose. As you reflect on Emma’s story, consider sharing it with someone who may need the reminder that their life matters and that God has not forgotten them.