I Thought Freedom Would Fulfill Me | Lauren Carrera

I grew up in church, but it was a very strict and judgmental environment. As I got older and gained independence, I didn’t run toward God—I ran away. In my teenage years and early twenties, I wanted freedom, and at first, that’s exactly what it felt like. Life felt fun and carefree. I didn’t think much about consequences. Drugs and alcohol gave me confidence I didn’t naturally have, and I chased that feeling.

That was my “40.”

On the outside, I was building a life—making money, moving out on my own—but internally, I was searching for something I couldn’t name. I looked for validation in friendships and relationships, accepting love from just about anyone who offered it. In the end, I often felt worthless. No matter what I gained or experienced, it didn’t last.

Things began to shift in stages. Meeting my husband was one of those moments. Our relationship had its ups and downs, but it anchored me in a new way. When I found out I was pregnant with our son, we got married, and life started to change, even though it wasn’t perfect. Years later, finding out I was pregnant again—right as I was turning 40—shook everything. It wasn’t part of my plan. I felt scared, overwhelmed, and alone. My husband struggled with the decision, and there were moments I didn’t think our marriage would make it.

But in that place, something began to change in me. I started thinking about going back to church because I felt so alone. And then something unexpected happened—my husband opened his heart, even just a little, to exploring faith. That was a turning point.

We started attending church, and for the first time, I experienced God in a real way. Not as routine, but as presence. I began to pray again. I could feel His peace, His love, even in the middle of everything. Looking back, I know He was with me through every sleepless night, every tear, every fear.

Now, everything has changed. I’m not perfect, and I’m still growing, but my life is different. I wake up focusing on what I have, not what I lack. I choose to spend time with God, and I’ve found a peace I didn’t know before. I don’t feel alone anymore.

My “41” feels like a new beginning.

If you’re still in your “40,” don’t lose hope. It might feel like there’s no end in sight, but God is there, even when you can’t see it. Take it one moment at a time, and keep talking to Him. He will meet you where you are.

From the 41 Series

Saul had everything a king could want—position, authority, recognition, success. Yet even with all of it, something inside him remained unsettled because he slowly drifted from dependence on God toward dependence on himself.

That’s the danger of false freedom.

At first, it feels exciting. It feels empowering. It feels like finally getting to live however we want without restraint or accountability. But eventually, what we thought would free us begins to control us.

The world promises peace through pleasure, approval, money, relationships, success, or escape. But those things were never designed to carry the weight of our identity.

And the longer we chase them, the more exhausted and empty we often become.

One of the most powerful moments in David’s story is that while everyone else stood terrified and overwhelmed, David remembered who God was. His confidence didn’t come from himself. It came from knowing the Lord had already been faithful before.

Sometimes God allows us to come to the end of ourselves so we can finally recognize where real peace is found.

Not in pretending. Not in striving. Not in running. But in returning to Him.

And often, the “41” moment doesn’t begin because every circumstance suddenly changes. It begins when our hearts begin turning back toward God.

That’s where peace starts to grow again.

Scripture Encouragement

• Luke 15:17–24

• John 8:31–32

• Psalm 34:8

Reflect & Respond

What resonated most with you in Lauren’s story? Why?

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

Have there been seasons where you searched for peace, identity, or freedom in things apart from God?

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

What helped begin shifting your heart back toward Him?

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

In what areas of your life is God inviting you to trust Him more fully today?

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

Prayer

Lord, thank You for continuing to pursue me even in the seasons when I wandered from You. Help me recognize the things I look to for peace apart from Your presence.

Teach me that real freedom is found in walking with You, not running from You. Restore my heart where it has grown tired, fearful, or distracted, and help me trust that Your ways are always better than my own.

Thank You for welcoming me back with grace, patience, and love.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

Share Hope

Many people quietly carry the weight of disappointment, loneliness, or spiritual exhaustion while trying to appear fine on the outside. As you reflect on Lauren’s story, consider sharing it with someone who may need the reminder that God still welcomes people back with grace and compassion.