The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Day 3 — The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Read

Read Galatians 5:19–21, James 3:5–10, Ephesians 4:29–32, and Psalm 62:5–8 slowly.

Galatians 5:19–21

Paul identifies the works of the flesh, including hatred, strife, jealousy, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, and carousing. These behaviors reveal how our desires can lead us away from God's will and into sinful patterns of living.

James 3:5–10

James warns about the destructive power of the tongue. Though small, it can cause tremendous damage. He challenges believers to consider how the same mouth can be used to praise God while also speaking harmfully about people made in His likeness.

Ephesians 4:29 (HCSB)

No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.

Psalm 62:8 (HCSB)

Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is our refuge.

Reflect

Over the past two days, we've been examining how self-deception begins when our desires become more important than our faith in God's Word and provision.

We saw how Adam and Eve were deceived into believing that God was withholding something desirable from them. Rather than trusting His goodness and provision, they pursued what they wanted, even though it meant disobeying His command.

Yesterday, we considered how this same struggle shows up in our lives through sexual desires, anger, and selfish ambition. We examined the excuses we make to justify sinful behavior and how easily we can convince ourselves that what we want is something we genuinely need.

But self-deception doesn't stop with the things we desire or pursue. It also influences how we speak about others and how we respond when life becomes difficult.

Sometimes we deceive ourselves into believing that our hurtful words are justified.

Other times, we convince ourselves that avoiding our responsibilities, escaping our problems, or distracting ourselves from uncomfortable situations is perfectly reasonable.

And in both situations, we can become so accustomed to our behavior that we no longer recognize how it's drawing us away from God.

Gossip, slander, and envy often begin with the lies we tell ourselves about other people.

In Galatians 5, Paul identifies jealousy, dissensions, factions, and envy among the works of the flesh. These sinful attitudes can develop in our hearts and eventually begin influencing the way we think and speak about others.

Maybe someone has offended us, disappointed us, or made a decision we disagree with. Perhaps we're jealous of something they have, frustrated by the attention they're receiving, or concerned about how their actions might affect us.

Rather than addressing the situation directly with that person, we begin talking about them to someone else.

And the more we talk, the easier it becomes to justify what we're saying.

We tell ourselves things like:

• "I'm just telling you so you can pray for them."
• "I'm not gossiping. Everything I'm saying is true."
• "People deserve to know what they did."
• "I'm just venting."
• "I'm trying to protect others."
• "I would say the same thing to their face."

Some of those explanations may even sound reasonable.

After all, there are times when we genuinely need prayer, counsel, accountability, or help addressing another person's harmful behavior. Scripture doesn't call us to ignore wrongdoing or remain silent when someone needs protection.

But we must be willing to examine the motivation behind our words.

Are we seeking wisdom and resolution, or are we simply looking for someone to agree with our frustration?

Are we sharing information because someone genuinely needs to know, or because we want to influence how others view that person?

Are we trying to restore a relationship, or are we attempting to damage someone's reputation?

The truth is, something can be factually accurate and still be shared with sinful motives.

And that's where self-deception becomes dangerous.

We begin convincing ourselves that the hurtful things we're saying, attacking someone's character, belittling them, or passing judgment on their actions, are justified because we're simply trying to help.

But sometimes our words reveal more about what's happening in our own hearts than they do about the person we're discussing.

Gossip and slander can grow out of jealousy, insecurity, anger, bitterness, or a desire for approval and influence.

And if we're willing to examine ourselves, we may discover that pointing out someone else's weaknesses, mistakes, or failures makes us feel better about our own.

If we can draw attention to their flaws, perhaps no one will notice ours.

If we can convince others that someone else is the problem, perhaps we won't have to acknowledge our own responsibility.

The self-deception of gossip often reveals our own insecurity.

James reminds us that our words have tremendous power. They can encourage, strengthen, and build up others, but they can also cause tremendous harm.

And Paul instructs us in Ephesians 4 to use our words for building others up and extending grace to those who hear.

That means we need to consider more than whether what we're saying is true.

We need to consider whether what we're saying is loving, necessary, appropriate, and honoring to God.

Before speaking about someone, we should be willing to ask ourselves whether our words are intended to help bring healing and resolution or simply make us feel justified in our frustration.

Because when we allow jealousy, bitterness, and insecurity to guide our conversations, we're no longer speaking from a heart surrendered to Jesus.

We're allowing our flesh to determine what we say and how we treat others.

Self-deception also shows up when we use unhealthy escapism to avoid the difficulties of life.

Another area Paul identifies in Galatians 5 is drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar.

These behaviors can become ways people attempt to escape from reality, avoid difficult emotions, or distract themselves from problems they don't want to face.

And while those particular behaviors are clearly addressed in Scripture, the temptation to escape our circumstances can show up in many other ways.

Think about the moments when you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, underappreciated, frustrated, or simply tired of dealing with everything happening around you.

Maybe you're facing conflict in your marriage, financial stress, responsibilities at work, difficulties with your children, or personal struggles you haven't been willing to address.

Rather than facing those situations, seeking God's guidance, or having the difficult conversations that may be necessary, you begin looking for something to help you escape.

For some, that escape involves alcohol, drugs, or pornography. For others, it may involve compulsive shopping, excessive gaming, endless scrolling through social media, constantly watching television, or burying themselves in work.

And just like the other expressions of self-deception we've examined, we often have explanations that make our behavior seem reasonable.

"I just need to turn my brain off."

"I've had a long day. I deserve this."

"I don't want to think about it right now."

"I'll deal with my marriage tomorrow."

"I'm not avoiding my problems. I just need a break."

"At least I'm not doing something worse."

Now, it's important to recognize that rest, recreation, entertainment, and taking time away from our responsibilities aren't inherently sinful.

God created us with a need for rest. And sometimes stepping away from a difficult situation for a little while can help us return with greater clarity, patience, and wisdom.

But there's a difference between healthy rest and unhealthy escape.

Rest allows us to recover so we can faithfully face our responsibilities. Unhealthy escapism becomes a way of continually avoiding them.

The problem begins when the things we turn to for temporary relief become substitutes for dealing with our struggles, addressing our sin, or trusting God to sustain us.

And over time, those distractions can begin consuming more and more of our attention, energy, and resources.

We convince ourselves that we simply need another break, another distraction, or another opportunity to escape.

But the problems remain.

The difficult conversation still needs to happen. The relationship still needs attention. The responsibilities are still waiting. And the sinful patterns we've been avoiding continue growing.

Instead of seeking God for wisdom, strength, comfort, and peace, we've begun looking elsewhere for the relief we desire.

Self-deception encourages unhealthy escapism by seeking things to distract us rather than seeking God to sustain us.

Psalm 62:8 reminds us to trust God at all times and pour out our hearts before Him because He is our refuge.

I love that picture because it reminds us that God doesn't expect us to pretend life isn't difficult.

He knows we experience exhaustion, frustration, disappointment, fear, and overwhelming circumstances.

But rather than encouraging us to run away from those struggles, He invites us to bring them to Him.

We can pour out our hearts before our Good Shepherd, trusting that He will faithfully care for us and provide what we need to walk through the difficulties we're facing.

And sometimes His provision comes through His Word, prayer, the encouragement of other believers, wise counsel, or the difficult but necessary steps of repentance and reconciliation.

The answer isn't always to escape what's happening around us.

Sometimes the answer is to trust God enough to face it.

As we consider gossip, slander, envy, and unhealthy escapism, we need to recognize what these expressions of self-deception have in common.

They allow us to avoid dealing honestly with what's happening in our own hearts.

When we gossip, we can focus on someone else's problems rather than examining our own attitudes and motives.

When we escape through unhealthy distractions, we can avoid the responsibilities, struggles, and sinful behaviors that need our attention.

And in both situations, we can convince ourselves that what we're doing is understandable, justified, or harmless.

But the longer we believe those lies, the easier it becomes for them to shape our behavior.

Often, the greatest danger of self-deception isn't that we don't know what's right. It's that we've become skilled at explaining why we don't have to do it.

And that's why we need God's Word and the Holy Spirit to continually expose the truth about our hearts.

Because when we're willing to acknowledge what's happening within us, we can begin turning away from the lies we've believed and returning to the guidance, protection, and provision of our Good Shepherd.

Respond

Think about the conversations you've had recently, especially those involving people who have frustrated, disappointed, or offended you.

Have you been speaking about someone in ways that build them up and seek resolution, or have you been using your words to criticize, belittle, or damage their reputation?

Are there conversations you've justified as venting, seeking prayer, or protecting others when your real motivation may have been anger, jealousy, insecurity, or a desire for approval?

Now consider how you respond when life becomes difficult or overwhelming.

What do you typically turn to when you're exhausted, frustrated, discouraged, or trying to avoid something uncomfortable?

Are those activities helping you rest and recover, or have they become ways of avoiding responsibilities, difficult conversations, or personal struggles that need your attention?

Today's challenge: Examine one conversation or one pattern of escape that may be revealing self-deception in your life.

If you've been speaking negatively about someone, consider whether you need to stop those conversations, seek forgiveness, or address the situation directly and appropriately.

If you've been using unhealthy distractions to avoid something difficult, identify one practical step you can take today to begin addressing it.

Instead of allowing your desires to determine your response, ask God to guide you through His Word and give you the courage to follow Him.

Pray

Lord, thank You for being my refuge and for inviting me to bring every burden, frustration, and struggle before You. Forgive me for the times I've used my words to hurt others, justified gossip or slander, or allowed jealousy and insecurity to influence how I treat people. Help me recognize the motives behind my conversations and teach me to speak with truth, love, wisdom, and grace. Forgive me also for the times I've turned to unhealthy distractions instead of seeking You for strength and guidance. Give me the courage to face difficult situations, address responsibilities I've been avoiding, and acknowledge sinful patterns that need to change. Help me find genuine rest in Your presence rather than temporary relief in things that draw me away from You. Continue exposing the lies I've believed and reminding me that You are my Good Shepherd, my refuge, and the One who faithfully provides everything I truly need. Amen.