When Comparison Becomes Compromise

DAY 2 | When Comparison Becomes Compromise

READ

Deuteronomy 5:18–21; James 1:13–15

“Do not covet your neighbor’s wife or desire your neighbor’s house, his field, his male or female slave, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

Deuteronomy 5:21

 

THE TRUTH

Most covenant relationships don't fall apart in a single moment.

There is usually a progression.

Something else captures our attention. We begin thinking about what we don't have. We compare what God has given us to what someone else has. Eventually, dissatisfaction creates an openness to compromise.

That is why the final commandment is so important:

“Do not covet.”

Coveting happens before taking.

It is the inward desire for something that God has given to someone else.

And in marriage, coveting can become especially dangerous because comparison has the ability to slowly change the way we see our spouse.

We see someone else's husband and think:

“I wish my husband were more like him.”

We see someone else's wife and think:

“I wish my wife looked more like her.”

We compare personalities.

Careers.

Bodies.

Sex lives.

Parenting.

Income.

Homes.

Affection.

Spiritual maturity.

Communication.

And eventually, instead of being grateful for the person God has entrusted to us, we become consumed with what we believe is missing.

Coveting becomes comparison.

And comparison can eventually lead to compromise.

Israel repeatedly lived this pattern with God. They looked at the nations around them and began desiring what those nations had. Their hearts wandered before their worship did. Eventually, what they desired began competing with their devotion to God.

They worshiped other gods.

They lived for other gods.

They pursued other gods.

Scripture describes that unfaithfulness with the language of adultery because Israel was giving to another what belonged within their covenant relationship with God.

The same progression can happen in marriage.

Long before someone physically commits adultery, the heart can begin wandering.

We compare.

We imagine.

We become dissatisfied.

We begin emotionally connecting somewhere else.

We justify conversations we once would have avoided.

We allow boundaries to move.

We tell ourselves:

“It's harmless.”

Until eventually something that once seemed unthinkable becomes something we're willing to consider.

That is why we cannot wait until covenant is broken to begin protecting it.

We have to pay attention when comparison begins.

 

REFLECT

Where are you most tempted to compare your life, marriage, or spouse with someone else's?

 

Has comparison created dissatisfaction with something God has given you?

 

Is there an area where you have slowly allowed a boundary to move because you have convinced yourself, “It's not really a big deal”?

 

A HAPPILY MARRIED REMINDER

Don't turn today's devotional into:

“You know who you always compare me to...”

The question is not whether your spouse struggles with comparison.

Ask:

“Where do I?”

And remember, comparison isn't only about another potential romantic partner.

You can compare your marriage to someone's social media post.

You can compare your spouse's income to someone else's.

You can compare your home.

Your children.

Your vacations.

Your sex life.

Your spouse's appearance.

Their personality.

Their spiritual maturity.

Comparison can make something good feel inadequate simply because we have been staring at something different.

Protect your heart from allowing what belongs to someone else to make you despise what God has entrusted to you.

 

TOGETHER OR INDIVIDUALLY

IF YOU’RE MARRIED

Instead of talking about where your spouse falls short, spend a few minutes talking about what you appreciate.

Ask:

“What is something about me that you are thankful for but may not say very often?”

Then switch.

Be specific.

Maybe you appreciate your spouse's faithfulness.

Their work ethic.

Their parenting.

Their compassion.

Their sense of humor.

Their strength.

Their tenderness.

Their perseverance.

Their physical appearance.

Their willingness to serve.

Their commitment to your family.

Their pursuit of Christ.

Comparison continually draws our eyes toward what we believe is missing.

Gratitude helps us see what is already present.

Then ask one more question:

“Is there anything competing for the attention and energy that should belong to our marriage?”

Don't accuse.

Talk honestly.

IF YOU’RE SINGLE

Comparison can distort your expectations long before marriage.

You can build an imaginary spouse from pieces of everyone else.

You want one person's appearance, another person's personality, someone else's income, someone else's spirituality, and someone else's family.

Eventually, no real person can compete with the person you've constructed in your imagination.

Ask God to protect you from allowing comparison to create unrealistic expectations.

If marriage is in your future, prepare to love a real person, not an idealized collection of everyone else's best qualities.

 

FROM THE MARRIAGE CREED

“I will be faithful to my spouse by first remaining faithful to Christ. In my pursuit of Him I will be able to strengthen my devotion to my spouse. I understand that only my devotion to Christ can combat the lies, deception and mistrust the enemy uses to destroy my marriage.”

Faithfulness isn't simply refusing to leave.

Faithfulness is continuing to pursue.

Israel's unfaithfulness to God wasn't merely about where they physically lived. Their hearts had moved toward other gods.

The same danger exists within marriage.

We can remain in the same house while allowing our heart to wander somewhere else.

Faithful devotion means continually bringing our heart back.

God first.

Then:

My spouse.

 

RESPOND

Walk slowly through the progression from this week's message.

COVETING

What am I desiring that God has not given me?

 

COMPARISON

Who or what have I been comparing with what God has given me?

 

COMPROMISE

Has that comparison caused me to loosen a conviction, boundary, or commitment?

 

COVENANT

If I continue moving in this direction, what relationship could eventually be damaged?

 

Now interrupt the progression.

Identify something God has already given you that comparison has caused you to overlook.

Today I am thankful for:

 

If you're married, tell your spouse. Don't merely write it here. Let them hear it.

 

PRAY

Father, forgive us for the ways our hearts wander.

You have been faithful to us, yet we so easily become distracted by what someone else has.

Forgive us when coveting turns into comparison and comparison makes us dissatisfied with Your provision.

Show us where comparison has begun opening the door to compromise.

Guard our covenant relationship with You.

Keep us from worshiping, living for, or pursuing anything above You.

For husbands and wives, guard their hearts from comparing their spouse with someone else. Help them see the person You have entrusted to them with gratitude, compassion, patience, and love.

Where their marriage needs to grow, give them courage to work toward growth without using someone else's marriage as the standard.

Where boundaries have begun moving, strengthen them.

Where hearts have begun wandering, turn them back.

Where compromise has already happened, lead them toward repentance.

For those who are single, protect them from allowing comparison to create unrealistic expectations or desires that lead them away from holiness.

Teach all of us to recognize the progression early.

Before coveting becomes comparison.

Before comparison becomes compromise.

Before compromise damages covenant.

Help us remain faithfully devoted to You and faithfully devoted to the people You have entrusted to us.

Amen.