My “40” wasn’t some massive public failure. It was something quieter, something that slowly kept pulling at my heart. I work at a school, and honestly, I love it. The relationships, the students, the staff—it really can feel like family. But with that closeness comes something dangerous too: gossip.
At first, it felt harmless. Just conversations, venting, joking around. But over time, I noticed myself getting pulled into it more and more. The problem was, I knew it was wrong. The Holy Spirit kept convicting me, but I kept ignoring it.
That was my “40.”
I would leave work feeling heavy. I’d drive home repenting, asking God to help me stop, promising I’d do better next time. But then another opportunity would come, and there I was again. I started wrestling internally with questions like, “Do I just avoid everyone?” or “How will people react if I don’t join in?”
Things began to shift when I went through the 31 Day Resiliency Challenge and then started the Wilderness devotional journey. Through those seasons, God challenged me to stop hiding my struggles and let Him expose and lead me through them.
Not long after, I was tested.
A coworker publicly offended me in a way that genuinely hurt. And suddenly, I had every opportunity to fall right back into gossip. Coworkers came to me one after another, giving me chances to vent, retaliate, or join in tearing this person down. But instead of reacting out of hurt, God softened my heart.
He showed me that hurting people hurt people.
And instead of responding with judgment, He led me toward grace.
What amazed me most was what happened afterward. As people asked why I responded differently, God opened doors for me to share what He had been teaching me. One coworker even broke down crying after hearing my story and shared their own struggles with me. I got to pray with them right there in the moment, and later they told me they had started attending a church group because of that conversation.
The test became a testimony.
My “41” now is still a journey. The temptation is still there sometimes, but God is changing my perspective day by day. He’s teaching me humility, grace, and the power of listening to His Spirit instead of my emotions.
Looking back, I can see that season wasn’t just about gossip. God was stretching me, refining me, and teaching me to trust His way over my own.
If you’re still in your “40,” keep pressing into God. Keep listening when He convicts you. He isn’t trying to shame you—He’s trying to lead you into something better.