For years, it felt like we were living in constant motion and never arriving anywhere. Jobs changed. We moved from place to place. We had children quickly and were trying to raise a young family while both working full time, exhausted, and unsettled. Life felt chaotic all the time. My mind never seemed to rest. My marriage felt like it was living in fight or flight mode, and there were moments we honestly didn’t know if we were going to make it.
I felt lonely, spiritually dry, and at times almost numb. We never stayed anywhere long enough to build deep relationships or find a church home. I felt lost as a wife and mother, and there were days I questioned my identity and whether I was doing any of it well.
That was my “40.”
The turning point came when the Lord led us toward freedom in a way I wasn’t expecting. We began pursuing spiritual healing, and something started shifting internally, even before our circumstances fully changed. We realized we couldn’t control every move, every job, or every unknown, but we could surrender what was happening inside us to God.
And He began to move.
As we stayed in the Word, in prayer, and centered our home around the Lord, doors started opening. My husband received a new job that brought us to Florida. I was able to become a stay-at-home mom. We had a season of rest. For the first time in years, peace didn’t feel impossible.
What I thought was instability, God was using to form us.
Now we feel settled. We have a church home. We’re present with one another. We’re building friendships. Our home is marked more by peace than chaos. And I can see now that God was not absent in the wilderness—He was growing us there.
If you’re still in your “40,” hold on. The hard season may be doing deeper work in you than you can see right now. God can bring peace where there has been chaos, healing where there has been exhaustion, and settlement where there has only been striving. He carried us through, and He will carry you too.