There was a time in my life when I was in a relationship that slowly became something I couldn’t control. Looking back, I can see that some of my own decisions and the way I allowed him to have control played a part, but it quickly became more than that. I was young, just fourteen, still going to church every Sunday night, trying to live a normal life. On the outside, everything looked fine. He looked like a put-together guy. But behind closed doors, it was very different.
That was my “40.”
I felt isolated and afraid. I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone about what was happening. He would force me to do things I didn’t want to do. He would put his hands on me when no one else was around. It was abuse in every sense, even if no one else could see it. I carried that alone, trying to make sense of it while pretending everything was okay.
There was a moment that changed things for me. He pushed me into a wall and yelled in my face, and this time people were around. No one said anything, but something in me realized that this wasn’t okay. That moment woke me up to the reality of what I was in.
I can’t say I clearly felt God in that season. It was hard to recognize His presence in the middle of fear and confusion. But He was still working, even when I couldn’t see it.
The turning point came when I made the decision to end the relationship. I had my youth pastor there with me when I broke up with him, and that was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
What changed wasn’t just my situation—it was me. I began to find peace. I found the courage to talk to my mom, and instead of the reaction I feared, she responded with care and support. God also brought people into my life who showed me that not everyone is like that, that healthy relationships exist.
Now, I have peace about what I went through. I don’t carry the same anger I once did. I see that I’m not alone, and that even that painful season has allowed me to help others recognize and get out of similar situations.
If you’re still in your “40,” don’t stay silent. Talk to someone. What you’re experiencing is not okay, and you don’t have to carry it alone. There is a way out, and there are people who will stand with you.