My “40” began in deep betrayal. It was the sin of someone in my own family, and it changed the trajectory of my life through abuse. For a long time, that pain consumed me. It felt hopeless, fearful, exhausting. Anxiety became normal. Shame felt inescapable.
And what made it harder was feeling unseen.
I tried to tell the truth, and people did not believe me. I was treated like I was the problem. I felt abandoned not just by people, but by God. I even cursed Him. I told Him if this was what love looked like, then He must not be loving at all. I was trying to find God and did not know how.
That brokenness spilled into other parts of my life. I turned to things that only deepened the wounds. I became pregnant at fifteen. There was more pain, more secrecy, more struggle.
That was my “40.”
And for a long time, I thought that was the whole story.
But years later, something began to shift. Even in the middle of hardship—our house catching fire, my husband losing his job, being forced to move—I started seeing God everywhere. My eyes began to open. What I once thought was abandonment, I began to see differently.
Over years of walking with Him, healing started happening. Relationships in my family began to mend. And one of the deepest miracles of all—God taught me forgiveness. Not excusing what happened. Not calling evil good. But releasing what had bound me and allowing God to redeem what the enemy meant for harm.
What changed most was my heart.
Healing happened. Peace came. Wisdom came. I found that knowing God became more precious than anything. And what once wounded me deeply, God has used to help others who carry similar pain.
I can say now, with honesty, I am grateful for how God refined me through what tried to destroy me.
What broke me, God used to remake me.
If you are still in your “40,” hold on. Reach out. Tell someone. Do not give up. Lean into God, even if all you can do is whisper. He can bring healing where you only see ruin. He is able to turn even the darkest things toward His glory.