My “40” started about a year and a half into working in Child Welfare Case Management in Florida. I went into the job wanting to help families and children, but over time the weight of it all began to wear me down. The stress became constant, and eventually I started having panic attacks. I felt trapped, alone, and like I had no other options.
That was my “40.”
Every day felt like conflict. Parents were upset. Foster parents were upset. GALs were upset. No matter what decision was made, someone felt wronged. At one point, foster parents who claimed to be Christians, along with a GAL, tried to get me fired by spreading lies about me. One even falsely accused me of having an inappropriate relationship with another foster parent. Thankfully, I had built a strong reputation, and the people around me didn’t believe it, but it still took a toll on me mentally and emotionally.
I kept praying through that season, but honestly, it often felt like my prayers were unanswered. I even went to my pastor a few times asking for prayer because I didn’t know what else to do. I was exhausted and questioning whether I was really cut out for the work.
Things began to shift around the two-and-a-half-year mark. I heard about a position at Sunshine Health and applied. Around the same time, we also started attending church at Kairos. Slowly, God began changing my perspective. Instead of only focusing on the stress and criticism, I started trusting that maybe He had me in child welfare for a reason.
And He did.
Now, my “41” looks very different. I still work in child welfare, but in a healthier, lower-stress role. And for the first time, I’ve been able to clearly see the fruit from those difficult years. Families I worked with still reach out to thank me. Looking back, I realize I did more good than I gave myself credit for at the time.
What once felt like failure was actually preparation.
If you’re still in your “40,” trust God’s timing. Even when you can’t see what He’s doing, He may be using the hardest season of your life to shape you and impact others in ways you won’t understand until later.