I was born into a cycle I didn’t choose. Mental illness, abuse, fear—it had been passed down for generations, and it became part of my life too. I grew up not really understanding what love was. I was always on edge, always wondering what might happen next. I was afraid of truth, afraid of myself, afraid of repeating what had been done to me. That was my “40.”
For seventeen years, I was in a relationship where I felt like I didn’t exist. He was much older, emotionally abusive, and my life revolved around him, his family, and my son. I didn’t value myself. I didn’t think I had worth. I was just surviving, trying to keep everything together while feeling like I was falling apart inside.
There came a point where I could see my mental stability slipping. I felt like I was breaking. Part of me believed no one would even notice if I was gone. But then there was another part of me that knew my son needed me. And in that moment, something shifted. I chose to break the chains.
I didn’t fully understand it at the time, but God had been protecting me all along. As I began to step out of that life, I started learning what it meant to love myself—not in my own strength, but through Him. Philippians 4:6–7 became something I held onto, a reminder to release fear and hold onto His peace. What changed was everything.
I found freedom. I began to understand what real love looks like. I stopped a cycle that had been going on for generations, and now my son is growing up knowing he is safe and loved. God brought someone into my life who has walked beside me, helping me learn and grow in ways I never thought possible.
Now, my “41” is marked by peace and healing. I know who I am. I know my identity is rooted in Him, not in what I’ve been through. Looking back, I can see that season wasn’t the end of me—it was where courage started to grow.
If you’re still in your “40,” I won’t tell you it’s easy. But you don’t have to do it alone. Press into God. Reach out to people. There is a way forward, even if you can’t see it yet.