I grew up in church, but it was a very strict and judgmental environment. As I got older and gained independence, I didn’t run toward God—I ran away. In my teenage years and early twenties, I wanted freedom, and at first, that’s exactly what it felt like. Life felt fun and carefree. I didn’t think much about consequences. Drugs and alcohol gave me confidence I didn’t naturally have, and I chased that feeling.
That was my “40.”
On the outside, I was building a life—making money, moving out on my own—but internally, I was searching for something I couldn’t name. I looked for validation in friendships and relationships, accepting love from just about anyone who offered it. In the end, I often felt worthless. No matter what I gained or experienced, it didn’t last.
Things began to shift in stages. Meeting my husband was one of those moments. Our relationship had its ups and downs, but it anchored me in a new way. When I found out I was pregnant with our son, we got married, and life started to change, even though it wasn’t perfect. Years later, finding out I was pregnant again—right as I was turning 40—shook everything. It wasn’t part of my plan. I felt scared, overwhelmed, and alone. My husband struggled with the decision, and there were moments I didn’t think our marriage would make it.
But in that place, something began to change in me. I started thinking about going back to church because I felt so alone. And then something unexpected happened—my husband opened his heart, even just a little, to exploring faith. That was a turning point.
We started attending church, and for the first time, I experienced God in a real way. Not as routine, but as presence. I began to pray again. I could feel His peace, His love, even in the middle of everything. Looking back, I know He was with me through every sleepless night, every tear, every fear.
Now, everything has changed. I’m not perfect, and I’m still growing, but my life is different. I wake up focusing on what I have, not what I lack. I choose to spend time with God, and I’ve found a peace I didn’t know before. I don’t feel alone anymore.
My “41” feels like a new beginning.
If you’re still in your “40,” don’t lose hope. It might feel like there’s no end in sight, but God is there, even when you can’t see it. Take it one moment at a time, and keep talking to Him. He will meet you where you are.