For most of my life, my mind was not a safe place to be. For forty years, the voice in my head was filled with hate and self-deprecation. It was constant. It shaped how I saw myself, and it spilled into how I treated the people around me. I carried it everywhere, and it wore me down over time.
That was my “40.”
It wasn’t loud on the outside, but internally it was exhausting. It felt like being trapped in something I couldn’t escape. And eventually, in my forty-first year, it all led me to a breaking point. I reached the lowest place I had ever been, and I attempted to take my own life.
But that night, something happened.
I was interrupted. Stopped. And in that moment, everything shifted.
For the first time, I saw the lies for what they were—lies. It felt like scales were falling off my eyes and ears. The voices that had defined me for decades suddenly lost their power. In their place, I experienced something I had never truly known before: His love. It felt like the weight of forty years lifted in an instant.
At my absolute lowest, God stripped everything away that wasn’t from Him. What was left was just me and Him.
That moment changed everything.
I felt exposed, vulnerable, like the shell I had been hiding behind was gone. But at the same time, I felt peace. Real peace. I felt safe, like I was finally in His hands.
From there, God began to rebuild my life. My wife and I were able to address years of hurt and start fresh. As I leaned into Him—through His presence, His peace, His guidance—He continued to wash over me and renew my mind.
Now, my “41” looks like a quiet mind, free from the lies that once controlled me. I see myself differently. I know who I am in Him. I truly feel like a new creation.
Looking back, those forty years were long and hard, but God didn’t waste them. He used them to bring me to a place where I could finally see the truth.
If you’re still in your “40,” don’t make decisions in your lowest moments. You’re not alone, even if it feels like it. The thoughts you’re hearing don’t get the final say.
Your life matters more than you know.